When you walk out of your house dressed like you don't have a mirror, it really makes me wonder if anyone loves you! Who would knowingly let someone they loved wear clothing that would not fit them even if they went through with the bypass? The only answer to this question has to be: No one loves you...
Because if you were loved, small children would not cower in fear every time they saw your figure coming towards them. Please give the kids a break and only dress like a clown on Halloween.
An all time favorite "dress for your body quote" is: "you are ten pounds of potatoes in a five pound bag." Doesn't that mental image sum up half the people you see at WalMart on the regular?
Here are my top 5 "unloved" shoppers:
1. "Is she the mom or the daughter?": In some cases, you would think that this statement means the mom has aged well and looks like she might be young enough to pass as the daughter. Well in this particular instance, it is the contrary. Mom looks like she just went shopping in her much younger and much smaller daughters closet. Newsflash: cut off shorts should not be worn over the age of 30 for any reason no matter what! Sometimes even 30 is pushing the envelope.
2. "Baby got front": Once again, this is not referring to something positive like a pregnancy... Instead, it would be referring to the large section of fat that hangs below the belt line. I'm really fascinated by these characters because I know smaller women who have a hard time finding clothing so imagine adding this little piece of baggage to the equation. Where do they buy stuff to fit them?
3. "The cart lady": Nope, not the cute little girl that serves beer to the pervs on the golf course! This is the classic case of too lazy to make it around the store... I know you think I am mean but seriously, wouldn't that help the situation with the lack of exercise!!
4. "Ole black lung": this is the person who you can hear hacking up a lung from two aisles away. When you pass them, they smell of stale Newport's. Hackey McGee tries to play it off like they have a cold but we all know that colds don't last all year long... but maybe it helps them sleep at night. Don't even get me started on the brazen and rude behavior of smokers!!
5. "Hell on heels": Is it just me or should wearing heels to the grocery store be considered part of the Olympic trials? Who in their right mind would take a stroll in the store in some 5 inch stilettos? Granted some people may have to wear heels to work but, I would at least keep some backups for emergency milk runs!! It's insane... or maybe I'm just too clumsy to actually accomplish this feat myself!
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